Posted in Pondering about PTSD

#TheStruggle Holy Insomnia Batman!

The last few nights have been hell on me, working a job that requires early morning wake ups in order to catch a bus and three hour bus rides back is one thing, but what adds more stress to the mix is the fireworks and most recently, a neighbor who has taken up bongos like Sheldon Cooper having a hair cut crisis

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These issues result in bouts of insomnia, as a result of PTSD. These bouts have gotten worse in adulthood, leaving me with less than 4 hours of sleep a night at times and have drastically ruined my functioning in terms of friendships and work performance,it has even landed me in the psyche ward once (which by the way was the best sleep in my life.)

I am not a heavy sleeper at all. The simplest things can awake me, the cats fighting, the neighbors TV being just loud enough where I can hear it vibrate on the other side of the wall, a roomate snoring or breathing too loud, even weird vivid dreams that come out of nowhere and freak me the hell out.

With the neighbors’ drama unfolding as they drum away and shoot off their fireworks way past the noise curfew, I am left awake yet again for the third day in a row of off again and on again sleep with no signs of catching Zzzz’s in sight.

My only saving grace right now is that I’m finally off tomorrow, but knowing the type of people they are, I can tell they won’t be as considerate as I hope and pray they will be..

PTSD ain’t no picnic, and knowing if I ever did say anything to them, I’d be laughed at or harassed. What I wouldn’t give for them to understand that PTSD and Insomnia are real things and could potentially lead to other problems (when I checked into the psyche ward, my blood pressure from all the stress was so high, I could of possibly landed into Stroke territory.)

A stroke is the last thing I need right now. All I want to do is function in society where I don’t have to worry about stressing myself out to the point of breakdown.

But who am I kidding? Only thing left to do is find some stuff to stream on my phone and wait for the sleeping pills to kick in.

Happy 4th? Ha, what a joke.

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