The other night, I had a nice chat with my friend about the struggles I have been having lately in the my most recent venture into the single life.
After ending a 6 year relationship just 2 days before Valentines day, I thought I could go back to being the feisty adventurous Mandy I used to be in my college days. But for the longest time afterwards I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was so turned off in the dating world. Until it dawned on me.
I do give my last ex credit for saving my life, forcing me to take an ambulance one night 2 years ago despite my urge to take that overtime shift at the Outlet shop I worked at. I don’t remember much of that night other than that I woke up to hear the doctor say I needed a large ovarian cyst removed, along with half my inner lady bits, which turned out to be borderline cancerous.
I, in a sense developed a feeling of being inadequate, like I wasn’t a full woman. Having part of your sexuality taken from you forcefully in an attempt to save your life during a time where you’re supposed to be at your prime, making babies and such.
It’s bad enough I had to deal with the hurdle of being someone with a visual disability in the dating world, now I have to deal with this feeling of being half a woman.
I explained to my friend how I have been feeling lately after dealing with yet another Tinder date gone wrong, that I feel like I’m not complete enough to find true love. His reply surprised me.
“They may have taken away some of you, but they didn’t take away all of you. Because at the end of the day, you’re still the fun loving, kind hearted lady you were back then.”
And he is right. And although I know my pool of men consist of many who wouldn’t get my struggle, I know at the end of the day, I made it out alive, that nobody can take that away from me. It’s still taking time to get used to the changes my body has gone through, even two years later. But I think now is the time to own the changes and rise above.
Needless to say I’m half the woman I used to be, and that’s not half bad