I was one for the longest time to not be good at first impeessions. Often than not, I’m the one who tries so hard to be perfect that I fail miserably.
Bill called me the other day, telling me that his landlord was discussing how bad of a person I was back then, complaining about the people I hung out with and the antics that unfolded. Typical college drama.
Needless to say, he was upset. And who can blame him? As a kid, even now, I always let emotion take over logic, and up until a few months ago have I slowly started to realize my actions and how they effect others. So far, things have changed for the better. Aside for that one thing.
Your reputation can make or break you, destroy you or move you in the right direction, free you or keep you hostage in an environment you don’t want to be in.
I got a lot of things going on in my life that I often wish I could of avoided if emotions didn’t take over. I wish the past six years being in a relationship that was basically me running the show alone and the million and one tines I moved never happened. I wish I didn’t drop out of school or hung out with “the wrong crowd”, at least those whom Bill’s staff refer to. I wish I took charge of my education instead of milking it out as a food ticket my last year. So many wrongs that I just can’t undo. So many wrongs that tend to haunt me.
Too often, I forget how far I have come from the “bad influence” of my college days. I left Pennsylvania with nothing more than a cell phone, a suitcase, and an air mattress in hopes of a better life for myself. I managed to secure an apartment, keep a job for 2 and a half years, and navigate the adult world on my own. I decided long ago I don’t need to be the cool kid that parties all night. I need to be the adult that does good for others and takes responsibility for herself and her actions.
This new mentality I have had lately has been helping me improve in my job and my social life.
But the trash talk from others have killed my buzz a great deal. It seems as though when I get caught up in fixing my reputation, there is almost always a step back.
I can’t wait for the annual plan stress to be over. I’m hoping this nonsense blows off and I can go back to being me.
I think Elsa said it best.
I’m never going back, the past is in the past.