Posted in Pondering about PTSD

Admitting Defeat

One thing led to another and I have found myself here, in a behavioral health clinic on the east bumblef*ck side of town. All this over a bad day where all my worries on trying to be perfect and accurate at work turned to crap really quick.

The last few weeks, my anxiety levels have gotten worse, my patience worn thin, the simplest things become harder, and my temper at an all time high.

The one thing they teach us at work is to not come in stressed, leave your worries at the door and enter the happy joy joy world of assisting your guests.

That is until your guests turn into an angry mob during the busy season and turn from cheerful happy folks going out for the day into a seemingly endless line of angry people who like to take it out on the cast member in question.

People have told me to get over it. But how can I when it seems the world is out to get me, and no matter how cheerful I try to be or how fast I go, it’s never enough.

I lost all hope in humanity as I enter this stupid world of therapy and meds. This wasn’t what I planned at all as I enter my 30’s.  I’m supposed to be successful, but I failed. I asked for help and it seems like it got me nowhere.

I know everyone means well, but to me this is all an attack. Because in the end, it always is.

Here’s to a week of hell and heartache and the biggest waste of time in my life.

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