Posted in Albinism, Blindness, and Me, Overcoming Adversity

When Praying My Disability Away as a Teen Didn’t Work

As a kid, I was raised the Catholic way. I went to CCD classes every Wednesday and made my sacremental milestones, from my first Reconciliation, my Holy Communion and then finally my Confirmation. My Grandmom is a devoted Catholic who’s nightly ritual was based on prayer cards and rosary beads. I even had great aunts that are nuns. It can’t get any more Catholic than that.

During my studies, I read many stories about Jesus healing the blind and the “crippled and lame” (they used demeaning names back then) and at one point, I was totally convinced that one day, I can pray my rare form of Albinism away.

I spent many nights praying, rosary beads and prayer cards became a cluttered mess on my end table. I watched shows like Benny Himm in the morning, hoping he could beam some of that magical Jesus energy my way, put me into what looked like a seizure for a few seconds, and I’ll be cured. I prayed every night I would have friends, that nobody would ever hurt me again, that I would be happy.

At age 12, my doubts became real. My nose stuck in a bible during class wasn’t because I chose to. It was because I needed to make my family happy. Plus, my Game Boy on mute kept me from dying of boredom.

I eventually gave up believing because at one point there was nothing to believe in. I let a hard journey going through my teen years, trying to find out who I was and whether or not life would get better for me.

Little did I know that God wasn’t the only thing I had to believe in. Turned out I needed to make that change for myself. Wishing on a crucifix was not my only option. Turned out I can heal myself through hard work and determination. And eventually, things did get better.

Despite the fact that I wasn’t healed magically the way the Bible says, meaning I still am legally blind, I feel as though my life has come full circle. Those dreams of my preteen  self have finally come true. I finally have friends and a meaningful life.

I still question my faith every now and again and I’m not as religious as I used to be, but I do believe someone, somewhere, has pushed me in the right direction. May not be the God that raised me, and I can’t take all the credit. But somehow here I am thriving and surviving and overcoming adversity every day.

To whatever guiding force is up there, thank you for helping me see things as they are.



One thought on “When Praying My Disability Away as a Teen Didn’t Work

  1. This is awesome! Thanks for sharing it with us. I also grew up in a very religious home. I am still a believer today but I know that God made me the way I am for a reason. And I won’t understand that reason till I get to heaven. My job here on earth is to live my life everyday in service to Jesus by encouraging others and spreading love and joy wherever I go. 🙂


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