Posted in Cast Member Chronicles, Pondering about PTSD

Combating Lonliness in the Happiest Place on Earth 

Seems lately, things at work have been tough. With a lot of things going on with my sales, trading shifts for better paying ones, and dealing with lack of business, a lot has piled into an already stressful time in my life.

With my mom here trying to recover from a nasty car accident and the demons that come with it, lack of sleep because my cats apparently can’t deal with it, and Bill’s medical decline, I have been an emotional wreck trying to make sense of it all while trying to not let it get to me in front of my guests. “Keep your problems out of the booth and be happy joy joy!” 

If only life were that easy.

This depression killed a lot of friendships and opprotunties to go somewhere and be someone worth being on this planet. Social life is next to none, and people don’t want to take the tine to help me be distracted from all this nonsense.

I need a way out. Or at least have people understand that I wouldn’t be this way if I wasn’t lonely all the time. I want to be happy again. And waiting until October when I go back up to Providence isn’t going to cut it. I need to find happiness. I just don’t know where. Seems everyone abandoned me.

I’m sorry I’m such a burden on everyone. I’m sorry I’m blind and can’t get to all these bars and parties. I’m sorry I don’t make enough to eat at fancy places on Disney property until I get this plane ticket purchased.I’m sorry I’m not worthy to anyone in this world.

Depression is a bitch. And I’m sorry it has taken over me again.

Please be a friend to me. Distract me. It may not be a cure all, but for that short time, it could really make a difference. 

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