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Regaining My Independence 

The situation that happened to me back in August with losing my job has to be the hardest thing I ever had to overcome. 6 months later and I’m still dealing with an unsteady job schedule and relying on others for help.

Although I have found decent work with both Universal and the Media Center, they are only temporary seasonal jobs, the latter being “on call” only with no set schedule. 

For the last few weeks, I’ve been trying to find more stable work via the Career Network on property, so much to the point, I jokingly think they are getting sick of me. It’s not like my quest for work is in vain by any meams, but I feel like I’m going nowhere.

I have had to make some tough choices, one in particular involves a friend that Bill doesn’t like, who is helping me out financially in exchange for a place to crash a few times a week for work. Privacy,what’s that? Especially when it’s a studio apartment 

What has happened to me has stripped my sense of pride and belonging as it seems nobody’s able to help me reach my goals. I’m putting in the effort but I’m stuck. Almost like a kid with their bicycle in the mud.

I have noticed the last few days that I’m angry and just simply drained emotionally, and it doesn’t help that Bill is yelling at me about said friend. I don’t blame him. This was not how I wanted to spend my life, relying on others for help. 

I am trying my damndest to make it work so I can have my life back. As the denial letters come in, it’s apparent that I’m not going to make any progress for a while.

Bill’s logic is for me to sign up for a staffing agency. You know, the kind where they have people help you in your day-to-day life, from cooking and cleaning and getting to work and medical appointments. But I don’t qualify for any of that, and even if I did, those resources are few and far between here in Orlando. 

The only help I have down here is my friends. But even that can be a challenge. My friends are not my caretakers. But the longer this unstable job nonsense looms, I might very well have to consider them that.

I want to strive to keep my Independence and I’m doing everything under the sun to try to do that. All I’m trying to get is that big break so I could go back to being me.

Because right now, I don’t feel like myself. 

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