Posted in The Billy Blogs

Career or Love? Pick Your Poison

Never have I thought in a million years Bill would do something so ignorant and wrong, that would put me on the edge of possibly quitting this new job I got yesterday. 

What worries me the most about being down here is that Bill forgets that I exist. Dating long distance is hard for anybody, but it seems to be setting him off more. It’s like he’s stuck in his own little world and I’m just not part of it anymore.

Last night, on all nights Valentine’s Day, Bill invited a lady friend over to his apartment, one that doesn’t get along with me too much. She has been slowly getting him to disconnect from me, and I feel her presence is what’s pushing me over the edge. 

Now keep in mind, his lady friend has a boyfriend, and yet she prefers to talk to Bill 24/7 as if they’re some kind of couple. 

I was willing the reserve judgment on her for the longest time. But after hearing some of the messages and voicemail she leaves him makes me wonder whether or not this whole thing is worth it. You could tell she has jealousy in her voice. Her attitude towards me has always been a negative vibe. And knowing how impressionable Bill can be, she has him where she wants him.

What makes matters worse is that this girl has connections with the people who take care of them, almost like some kind of hierarchy that can’t be broken. Even Bill told me he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her. And to me I feel it kind of sad that subconsciously, he feels as though he might be retaliated against. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but that’s my best guess.

Being caught in this weird love triangle has made me second-guess being on the opening team for Volcano Bay, even though doing so would risk my chance of ever growing a successful career. I feel like I’m doing something wrong by being down here in Florida. I feel like my choices of bettering myself and not settling down has sent me and Bill onto a path of destruction. 

I hate the fact that I left Rhode Island to begin with. And after the stunt Bill pulled off tonight makes me second-guess everything that I’ve done from that point on. From RJ and our relationship, the school jobs I picked up in Pennsylvania, this silly little dream called Disney, and my newest journey with Universal. All of it seems to be in vain because it seems as though it hurt the only person I loved the most.

I’m not so sure if this is a breakup or not but I feel as though it might be. And me trying to chase my goals of a successful career killed it. Apparently I’m the bad guy for not packing up and moving in with him. Maybe my high school friends are right this whole time, I’m wasting my time chasing these dreams.

God, what have I done?

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6 thoughts on “Career or Love? Pick Your Poison

  1. I’m so sorry. It’s a shit situation. I think it’s important to remember that a man can never be stolen away, he allows himself to be taken. Sounds like he hasn’t been willing to devote himself 100% to you. Is that really what you believe you deserve?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I honestly don’t know what I’m worth anymore. Seems like all these silly career moves got me nowhere and it hurt him deeply. I just wish you understood that my ultimate goal is to grow my career enough so I can eventually move him here and help take care of him. I know he has his needs but he doesn’t seem interested in mine. That’s what scares me. Before he met the lady friend, he never used to be this way. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

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  2. Oh, that’s tough. I’ve done some little by distance and it’s not easy. I guess I think mostly partners are supportive of each other, whether that’s each other’s needs, dreams, careers and sometimes this means one or the other ‘gets a turn’. It’s not easy but you both go through being apart. I hope it works out for the best. Xxx

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  3. DON’T you DARE walk away from this job! You worked too damn hard to get it! THINK OF YOURSELF first and foremost NOW! YOU deserve someone who WANTS to be with you ! OPEN your eyes AMANDA MARIE! Life is passing you by! Get on board this train while you still can!

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  4. Tell him point blank that he needs to choose. You or her. I had the same conversation with my now husband when we were dating. It wasn’t until that point that he realized what he was doing and how he needed to snap out of it.

    You deserve a man that is 1000% devoted to you and a man who says he can’t stand up to another woman that’s not you is NOT worth your time.

    Liked by 1 person

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