Never have I thought in a million years Bill would do something so ignorant and wrong, that would put me on the edge of possibly quitting this new job I got yesterday.
What worries me the most about being down here is that Bill forgets that I exist. Dating long distance is hard for anybody, but it seems to be setting him off more. It’s like he’s stuck in his own little world and I’m just not part of it anymore.
Last night, on all nights Valentine’s Day, Bill invited a lady friend over to his apartment, one that doesn’t get along with me too much. She has been slowly getting him to disconnect from me, and I feel her presence is what’s pushing me over the edge.
Now keep in mind, his lady friend has a boyfriend, and yet she prefers to talk to Bill 24/7 as if they’re some kind of couple.
I was willing the reserve judgment on her for the longest time. But after hearing some of the messages and voicemail she leaves him makes me wonder whether or not this whole thing is worth it. You could tell she has jealousy in her voice. Her attitude towards me has always been a negative vibe. And knowing how impressionable Bill can be, she has him where she wants him.
What makes matters worse is that this girl has connections with the people who take care of them, almost like some kind of hierarchy that can’t be broken. Even Bill told me he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her. And to me I feel it kind of sad that subconsciously, he feels as though he might be retaliated against. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but that’s my best guess.
Being caught in this weird love triangle has made me second-guess being on the opening team for Volcano Bay, even though doing so would risk my chance of ever growing a successful career. I feel like I’m doing something wrong by being down here in Florida. I feel like my choices of bettering myself and not settling down has sent me and Bill onto a path of destruction.
I hate the fact that I left Rhode Island to begin with. And after the stunt Bill pulled off tonight makes me second-guess everything that I’ve done from that point on. From RJ and our relationship, the school jobs I picked up in Pennsylvania, this silly little dream called Disney, and my newest journey with Universal. All of it seems to be in vain because it seems as though it hurt the only person I loved the most.
I’m not so sure if this is a breakup or not but I feel as though it might be. And me trying to chase my goals of a successful career killed it. Apparently I’m the bad guy for not packing up and moving in with him. Maybe my high school friends are right this whole time, I’m wasting my time chasing these dreams.
God, what have I done?