Posted in The Billy Blogs

Making Sense of it all

It’s been a few weeks since me and Bill were our cheerful selves, talking about marriage and chatting amongst ourselves on Skype, the only way we can date while I’m down here waiting for my next chapter of my career to begin. 

It’s all just a memory after the infamous Valentine’s Day Fiasco of 2017, which has sent me off on the edge and him “grounding” me for having issues with his little friend who hates me. I have since come to realize that stressing over stuff like this will destroy me in the long run.

So after trying to warn him about how ignoring me and not talking things through would ruin our relationship, and after a rant he did on his Facebook via Live video about me making a wrong choice about living in Florida, it had to come down to what I was dreading for awhile.

I decided to call it quits. Made it Facebook official and everything.

Our mutural friend who lives in his building has been checking in on him for me to see how he is dealing with things, and he said he wants to have a chance to patch things up. But the funny thing about this is that he doesn’t want to talk to me. How can we fix things if talking isn’t on the table? Am I grounded still? Does he not give a crap? The world may never know.

I have been bending over backwards trying to make him happy because he deserves to be. But the way he acts when things don’t get his way always irked me. To tell me he wants to hang out with “Her” and not let me see RJ, as well as quit this Volcano Bay job so I can be with him were both deal breakers for me. I understand he can’t do much to help me, and I was accepting of it despite it’s suckage compared to other people’s relationships where you don’t have to deal with caregivers or physical limitations. But to tell me I have to give up something I worked so hard to get after dealing with the worst six months of my life, that’s worth a one way ticket to move on, no matter who you are. 

He seems to either not want to try to fix what we have or maybe he just doesn’t understand what he did wrong despite our friend trying to break it down to him. Either way, this whole things has been a clusterfuck of drama and mixed emotions. None of which I want to deal with now. 

I can only hope he can come to and show me that he can stick with me in this new journey, but whether or not he chooses to won’t stop me from rebuilding the career I once had and moving forward with life.

One things for sure, it’s not the same without him. 

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