Posted in Relationship Ramblings

The Most Honest Dating Profile Ever

Woman Child Seeking A Guy To Put Up With My Bullshit!

Name- Mandy, That’s Amanda if you’re nasty

Age- 31

Location- America’s Tourist Trap (Orlando FL)

What I do with my life- When adulting, I work the theme park circuit here in Orlando. Started at Disney and found myself working for Universal instead. Currently I walk parade floats around until the new water park opens and I am back to working a “Big Girl” job again as a ticket seller. When not adulting, I collect toys, raid comic cons, and volunteer at random events. Oh, and did I mention I blog? 

I’m really good at- That’s for you to find out…wink wink…Nah, I’m kidding. I honestly don’t know what I’m good at, other than my writing and my cynical sense of humor. Plus, I make a mean taco out of dollar store crap and whatever meat is on sale at Target. Poverty brought out my inner Martha Stewart. 

The first things people usually notice about me- I’m that chick with the creepy eyes, constantly walking about as if I’m drunk but I’m not. I’m high on life and nystagmus. I’m chunky and I know it, more cushion for the pushing. But a lot of people say I’m the girl with a great smile and gorgeous reddish brown locks. I always try to be positive even though life has beaten me with the Ugly stick and enough bad karma to where I am convinced I must of been Hitler or Mussolini in a past life and deserve to take life’s bullshit with a grain of salt and a smile. I guess you might have figured this out as you’re reading this, I don’t sugar coat anything. I’m 100% real, loud mouthed but with a good heart, and I don’t stop fighting for what I want in life even if I got a bad hand from it.

Favourite books, movies, music and food

Books – “Diary of Anne Frank” and “The Giver” are my favorites, as is the Hunger Games series. Love dystopian stories. (Could explain the bad karma thing I mentioned earlier.) 

Movies – Wayne’s World and Demolition Man. Both movies I could watch for days on end and never get bored. 

Music – I am emo as hell…early 2000’s emo…MCR anyone?

Food – Anything and Everything. I love trying new things, even weird fusion foods, speaking of which, there is a Pop Tart Breakfast Sandwhich at Disney that is the stuff dreams are made of.

The five things I could do without- Ableism and Sexism are my two big pet peeves. I refuse to be your trophy girlfriend or your inspiration. Love me for who I am and the flaws that come with it. I can also do without really bad rap music, doing dishes, and black licorice jelly beans…hey, a fat girl has to draw the line somewhere.

I spend a lot of time thinking about- What I can do to make the world better while also helping me figure out my true potential. I also think a lot about my current ex Bill and what I did to set him off on a rampage. Spoiler alert, it has to do with me being career focused and not wanting to settle for less. I am always a second guesser, so please excuse me as I tend to ovetthink crap. 

On a typical Friday night I am- –Right now, I am working Friday Nights as a parade escort for Mardi Gras season at Universal, but when not at work, I’m usually in bed, sipping some cocoa, playing some nerdy toy and video game reviews off YouTube or watching Netflix petting a pussy…or two. I forgot to mention, I have two cats. 

The most private thing I’m willing to admit- I am one of those girls who isn’t all about the sex, so sorry if you were only into me for an easy fuck. I cherish friendship and fun over getting it on any day. Doesn’t mean sex isn’t off the table, you got to earn my trust. 

I’m looking for- Someone who doesn’t mind a crazy theme park worker with two cats and massive toy collection. I love to have fun and be adventurous despite my introvertedness and desire to get all snuggled up to a cup of tea and call it a night. I want a guy who will show me love and not “ground” me like a child when I’m naughty. Although I’ll gladly take a spanking or two. I want a guy who can date the hell out of me and hopefully provide for me instead of the other way aroumd. 

You should message me if… You aren’t scarred for life after reading this, you want to get to know me, and using my theme park tickets are not your top reason for writing back to me (sorry, not gonna happen, although I’ll share my discount for CityWalk if you behave yourself.)

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