Posted in Overcoming Adversity, The Billy Blogs

Dear Billy, (Three Months Post Break Up)

Dear Billy,

I wanted to check in and let you know how things are going lately. I’m sure beyond that tough facade of yours, you’re most likely wondering about what is going on with me. Believe me, I’ve been thinking the same way as you are. 

When I finally got closure from you last month, I was finally able to move forward with my life, although doing so meant burning a lot of the stuff you gave me. Surprisingly I don’t have any regrets, but I sure do miss Sunshine Bear. I guess you could jokingly say I’m horrible bear parent, but I digress. I was angry at the way things worked out with us, and as much as I tried to make things work, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Yeah, I spent weeks crying myself to sleep over this to the point where I had nothing to cry about. Although you’re too manly to admit it, I have seen you break down before and I worry about you doing so again. You have always had such a strong will about yourself and I hate to see that will be broken.

Anyway life so far has been hard, but I’m getting back to the way things used to be with my career. Work picked up at the survey place because of pilot season, meaning all the new TV shows are out and ready for previews. There are some pretty awesome shows coming out. I recommend you watch the show “Rise” since it’s very much like “Glee: and it also chronicles the story of a teacher I know for my hometown. The character named Lou is actually based on a real person. Pretty cool, huh?

I have been working on my training as a vacation planner at the new park, that job that basically ruined our relationship and prevented me from moving in with you. Although I lost you, I have finally gained confidence knowing I can return to my roots as a vacation planner and be something with my life again. My bosses are really nice and let me use my magnifier without any hassles. The people I met so far are really nice. Everything about this place has been nothing but wonderful to me. It may have seemed like a gamble, but so far I’m winning. 

You should see this place, Bill. It is as if you stepped into Hawaii. There’s a big giant volcano that’s also an aqua coaster, there are two lazy rivers, about 13 slides, a wave pool, and a water splash area. I know you’re probably thinking that none of these rides would be accessible to you, but a good majority of them are. They have elevators that take you to the top for some of the slides, a lot of the pools are Zero Entry, meaning you could take your wheelchair in for a little bit and dangle your toes, and some of the pools have little chairs that will drop you in so you could transfer in and out of your wheelchair easily. Even the kids play area is handicapped accessible. There are basically no limits to what you can do here. My God, you would love this place! Hopefully one day, you’ll be able to come and visit me.

Everything else in my life is going okay. Me and RJ are still good friends and are kind of debating whether or not we want to go back with each other, but for the foreseeable future, it doesn’t look like it’s happening. But I’m far from crushed about it. We are perfectly good as friends.

Working both jobs has been keeping me busy and my mind occupied. Every once in awhile when something new happens, I so want to call you and tell you about my day, but since you’ve basically written me out of your life, I know the odds of you answering are slim. 

I have been on a lot of adventures lately aside from work. I got to shoot real life zombies at RJ’s work, explore an insanely huge McDonald’s, help in the production of a Jimmy Fallon skit, attend both a Blake Shelton and a Flo Rida concert in the same week, go to Spooky Empire, and babysit Amanda’s cat. I have so many stories to tell, and not enough time to jot them down. 

Although I try not to, I still think about you a lot. I wonder how you’re doing through all this, how your bowling league is going, all the cool trips you made with Shayna, even what’s going on with your job. So many questions, I’m pretty sure I won’t get the answers to. But nevertheless I hope everything goes well with you and you are living a wonderful life that’s far from boring.

Just be sure to know that even though things went bad between us, I still consider you as a mentor and great friend of mine. That love I had for you will never die, even though now it seems like it. You have been a major part in my life and I will forever be grateful for the time we were able to spend with each other the last year. I’m hoping sometime down the line we will cross paths again, but only when you’re ready. I know I can’t make you change your mind,  that is all on you. But rest assured when time comes and you are ready to talk to me, I will be here for you.

Never stop being the amazing fun person you are. Keep being the amazing self-advocate who never stops fighting for their dreams. Whatever life takes you, know that you can handle anything that comes your way. I want you to be happy, and never to be sad. 

I’m always a phone call away if you need me. 

Love you still, always will.

Mandy

PS- Enjoy this picture of me hanging out with a Zombie at Spooky Empire last weekend. Don’t worry, he isn’t real. 

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