For reasons (sort of) unknown, I have had this sense of dread hanging over me, almost as though I am destined to fail. I have that fear that the events that played last summer will happen to me again. Often I feel like what I am doing is never enough. It’s as if everything I learned at the new job just gets lost once something happens in real life beyond the classes I took. I’m asking questions every five minutes, so much so, I feel my team lead is getting sick of my derpy brain, even though I have only gone live about twice in a booth since I started.
As busy as things have gotten with the new park opening and my upcoming projects (the presentation at the Family Cafe and my first shot of giving up my autumn season to be a scareactor for Halloween Horror Nights) I have felt that my writing has taken a backdoor with all that is happening because my brain is constantly on how well or not well I do at work. Rest assured to my blogging family, I haven’t died yet.
Which is surprising to say the least.
A year ago, with this kind of stress added to my life, I would be in a corner of my booth freaking out. But now I feel a sense of acomplishment and determination to make the most of everything I do, to try new things, and not let the crazy of a new park get to me. Seeing the lines and the occausional upset guest doesn’t phase me anymore.
Is it because I survived the worst year of my life and learned to handle whatever comes my way? Is it the years of experience that made me somewhat of a pro as to how to tackle difficult situations? Is it the fact I work with some surprisingly caring and compassionate people? Is it because I am no longer focused on the ex and his health issues, the long bus ride home, or the office melodrama that took every bit of life out of me?
Whatever it is, I feel empowered to take on whatever challenges life hands me. My writing and touristy blogs will be back soon, as well as some other fun ideas I am conjouring up in the back of my brain (food reviews possibly?) But for now, work beckons.
Now if only I can get this pesky cloud of dread over me to blow over.